Most people typically think of the school bully, taunting
younger kids and threatening to beat them up after school. But the reality is
that bullying takes on many different forms and is common among adults too.
I
know a parent who is a bully.
It
is hard to think of parents as bullies, but they can be. Parents, who are
overbearing, constantly belittling their children or enforcing rules with a
heavy hand, may actually be crossing the line into bullying behavior. I believe
there is a difference between correcting a child's inappropriate behavior and
constantly trying to control every moment of that child's life.
First
let me say that I do not have any children of my own; I've only been a
step-parent to adult daughters. So, I had
to do some detailed research on this topic before I felt that I could even talk
about this publicly.
I've learned that bullies thrive on the weaknesses of others. They have a distorted
idea that if others feel powerless, it will make them more powerful. Bullies
crave mental and emotional control and use fear and other tactics to help them
feel superior.
Here
are the bullying tactics I've seen the parent using:
Having excessive and unrealistic expectations.
Undeserved criticism and verbal manipulation.
Disproportionate punishment.
Favoritism towards some of the children.
Cutting Sarcasm.
Repeated insults and threats.
Unnecessary Yelling.
Controlling the child's every movement.
Violation of the child's privacy.
Slavery - helping at home is reasonable, but
having to labor before and after school until bedtime, to keep up with the
parent’s unrealistic expectations, is not reasonable.
Here are the issues I see in the child that is bullied:
Constant anxiety that the parent will be “mad”
Loss of self-confidence and self-esteem
Fearfulness of new experiences
Digestive disturbances
HELP! I need help carefully addressing this issue
without putting the child in danger of retaliation. I feel that the parent lacks the emotional
intelligence to maintain a sense of control without bullying the child. Nothing
the parent has done is illegal or physically abusive, but mentally the child is
being broken. I just don’t know what
needs to be done. Do you have any
suggestions? Thanks
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