For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had—and needed—a plan. Over the years, my plans changed, as plans are prone to do, when, for example, I discovered that I didn’t actually have the aggressive competitive personality to become a cutting edge artist (not to mention the fact that my watercolors turned into a brown soggy mess), or that despite the period of my life spent religiously cutting out Bed and Breakfast operational tips and stashing them into cleverly labeled file boxes, my general inability to raise hundreds of thousands of dollars to start the project should have indicated early on that I probably wouldn’t make it in the world of small inn keepers.
But still, I’ve always had an idea of where I was headed, and what I would do when I got there. Even after realizing that the bohemian artistic lifestyle I thought I would have after college did not materialize and I took a job in retail, I still maintained the optimistic notion that my life would, one day, return to moving along “according to plan.”
As you can probably guess, that never happened. THIRTY years and a career in retail later, well, let’s just say the slight turn off that original path gave way to a new path that has been challenging and rewarding for many years. Yet somehow– through a miracle of chance encounters, and having the right people believe in me–I am changing paths again this week. I’ve resigned from my corporate job at The Home Depot. I’ve only had two full time jobs in my life, Home Depot (30 years) and Dairy Queen (during High School and College).
Yes this change is scary but something my Sweetie said recently made me think about my fears. I realized that I was not living my dream because I was desperately afraid- of financial ruin, of failure, of letting people down, and the possibility of regret. His support is helping me separate the fear from the dream, and in doing so, I realize that I really do want to move forward, in spite of the fear. Do I still worry about those fears? Absolutely. Will I let them rule my choices anymore? No Way! I'm on the threshold of a life change.
The only thing I can say that I’ve truly learned is that sometimes the path you choose (famous bohemian artist living in a cool loft) doesn’t choose you. Doors open and doors close and you climb through windows and wish on stars, and in the end, you have to throw everything you dreamed would happen in a trash can full of ‘should haves’ and ‘could haves.’ I look forward to the new path I’m taking…wish me luck in my new career!